The Interpretation of Being Aloof

Hiya Love, I mean, Hiya Folks!

It's been almost a year I haven't written anything in my blog. I miss random writing, as I miss non-random writing, too. Believe me, I have been collecting motivation to write both academically and commercially. But, so far, it yields nothing.

I have been listing plenty of ideas, but what's the purpose of ideas? If you don't really have guts to make it work, thus, let's call it a beginning in a not so in the beginning of the year. It's April - May, and we know that in the northern hemisphere out there, the flowers are starting to blossom, the weather also starts to be friendly again (well, I reckon?).

As a matter of fact, I have just come back from my journey in Europe again, Le Voyage d'Hiver, for the second time. People often asked me, why do you come to our snowy hut instead of staying in your sommer maison in your homeland?

The more I step my feet to new places, the more I think of home. The meaning of home. What is home anyway? In these past years, I choose and try to learn also enjoy this lone time. Getting used to of being on my own, not that I don't need my close friends or family anymore. However, as an Extrovert, maybe I should try to challenge myself more and try to understand the meaning of being aloof.

Interpreting this aloofness.

Now that you should know, that I am not currently staying in my hometown anymore. I stayed in my hometown for couple of weeks, and started a new story in the city of culture. The thing that I never realize about this city is, it's very multicultural. I thought I got used to mingle and hang out with people from different countries and assumed that later when I mingle with my "own" folks would be easier. I was wrong, hopefully, I wasn't. Handling people from different backgrounds is quite "challenging" and "triggering". I have got a quite great position in this organization, and some people really test my capabilities. This is my pure sentiment and you can judge me anyway, but I feel that some people really dislike when somebody new comes and places in top position. Actually, I am trying to be a calm and kind leader, but some people really can trigger my benevolent side which I don't like it either. That's why, I prefer to be aloof. When I am aloof, everything can be well-digested. All this bad stereotypes and judgements which I have been trying to throw them away.

Good thing is...

I can value myself more, the more time I am being alone. I have got lots of time to study and sharpen my abilities, and realize how far I have grown. --- Some people are wrong about me, people change, I guess I know all about it. Managing and Handling students are way much easier than handling your own staff. Well, I am not working in a corporate but an organization that challenges my leadership a lot. I don't trust people easily, well, trusting people is my weakness. Many lesson that I have learnt made me realize that the one that you can trust and rely on is yourself. Is it okay being a lone wolf? is it okay being selfish? Yes, IT IS FINE. totally Fine. How can you blossom and develop if you don't trust your own guts? 

Learning how to love your own self.

After you learn how to trust yourself, now you can slowly learn how to love yourself. This sounds not so correctly, but this is pure of my personal opinion --- and of course after finishing The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm. How will you be able to love someone if you are lack of love on your own? How can you transfer and retrieve the love itself when you got nothing to love about yourself. I think, love grows inside yours and when you think you are ready (and of course when you want it), you will slowly learn how to transfer the love within you: by treating your significant other (or just mere other people) with love.

So...

by being aloof, it teaches me how to love myself more. That I am my own priority. This also could be "the time when you discover your selfishness". You might criticize me, but this is my personal perspective, with my own capabilities as an Extrovert, in reserving this aloofness.

And.. Thank you.

just my imagination

Y'ello folks..

jumpa lagi dengan saya kembali, setelah berbulan-bulan kagak nulis (kayak tiap bulan nulis ajeee), akhirna inilah postingan pertama saya di bulan Januari. Kali ini saya gak akan cerita soal perjalanan travelling sih, itu nanti saya simpan dulu buat kapan-kapan. Saya pengen ngablak cerita gak jelas gegara kebanyakan nonton film lawas sama video klip lagu-lagu lawas. Hahaha...

Saya sering ngebayangin jadi model di video klip gitu, hahaha, terlambat sudah cita-cita saya pengen jadi model majalah Trubus,  tapi kalian-kalian disini pasti pernah kan secara sadar walaupun nggak, pas waktu jalan sendirian di tempat yang indah, ketemu cowok cakep, atau pas waktu hujan ngadep ke jendela, rasanya berasa kehidupan kita ini punya backsound. Hahaha

Bisa jadi, film yang bikin saya jadi baper sebaper-baperna itu film Before Sunrise. Banyak yang bilang film ini ngebosenin dan ngomong doank. EH TAPI, saya nonton film ini 2x, dan menurut saya ini film sweet dan romantis. Gimana coba kamu bisa ketemuan di kereta sama cowok seganteng Ethan Hawke dan diajak muter-muter Vienna dalam jangka waktu 24jam dengan diisi macem conversation yang absurd tapi menanyakan ke-eksistensian diri kamu. Ah ini film apaan sih, kan aing jadi pengen sama Ethan  Hawke  'kan?

Kadang-kadang kalau lihat film romance yang edisi cinta-cintaan ala SMA atau high schoolers gitu, saya jadi pengen, agak jealous soalna saya dulu pas SMA kok gak ngerasain kayak gitu yak. Saya ada beberapa pacar waktu SMA, tapi kok rasanya gak kayak yang di film-film macem begituan. Perasaan yah dulu cuma ngobrol, makan, main ke mall, udah hahaha. Mau ngulang ke masa SMA biar mirip film She's All That kok yah hampir ora mungkin. Yasudahlah mari kita lupakan masa-masa SMA saya yang sangat super duper biasa dan most of the time cuma diisi sama buku dan series Gossip Girl.

Sebagai perempuan biyasah, saya kadang ngayal pengen ketemuan sama cowok cakep di Coffee Shop terus berlanjut di perbincangan gak jelas tentang filosofi atau kapan Indonesia bisa jadi negara adidaya. Atau misal tiba-tiba ketemu cowok ganteng bercelana gemes di Northern Italy terus kita muter-muter naik sepeda pas Summer. Saya gak terbiasa nulis diary, dan agakna mungkin saya ada beberapa yang lupa soal sensasi ketemu orang baru yang berpotensi bisa dijadikan rujukan film romance. 

Mostly saya gak ingat, tapi kalau yg esensial banget saya biasanya gak lupa. Saya gak lupa gimana saya ketemu cowok sesama traveler di bus di Saigon dan kita bisa klik satu sama lain tapi lupa tukeran nomer hape. Saya gak bisa lupa gimana sensasinya waktu itu jalan di Kuala Lumpur sama temen sekelas saya yang ganteng dan pinter dan orangnya agak suka dicolak-colek hahah. I don't think that I would like to go further with them, tapi saya suka aja ngerasain tingling feeling yang ngebuat saya ngerasa seperti maen di sebuah film komedi romantis. Saya kadang ndengerin lagu romantis/happy/sedih/upbeat, kadang joget sendiri dan kadang cuma diem meresapi dan mbayangin hal-hal indah yang pernah saya lalui sama orang -orang yang saya kenal.

Saya kira semua cewek pasti punya soundtracks atau backsound ketika bertemu dengan orang-orang tertentu. Apalagi pas kita lagi ngerasain certain feeling dan kebetulan misalnya, dengerin lagunya Shania Twain atau Daniel Beddingfield, langsung nyeletuk, "Ajib, lagu ma lirikna gue banget nih!" hahaha. Saya gak akan pernah bisa lupa sama orang-orang yg ngasik kesan atau backsound atau soundtrack buat kehidupan saya. Kadang kalau pas saya lagi jalan di tempat baru, saya langsung spontan nyanyi sendiri sambil bayangin orang yang cocok sama lagu dan tempat yang saya nyanyiin tersebut. Contohna saya waktu itu jalan-jalan di Paris, saya langsung nyanyi 'City of Stars' dari LaLaLand dan agak-agak bayangin saya jadi Emma Stone haha *dikeplak orang sekampung*. Saya orangna sebenerna pemalu kalau dideketin sama cowok ganteng, apalagi pinter, apalagi diajak ngobrolin soal hal-hal absurd, widih bisa-bisa waktu pulang kerumah saya bisa dengerin Chopin sama nulis puisi. Atau pas lagi travelling sendirian, saya kalau capek jalan selalu mampir ke cafe,duduk, pesen kopi  terus nulis puisi atau brainstorm topik buat dijadikan cerpen. Kayakna saya emang cocok hidup di jaman-jaman abad ke 17 di Paris, bergaul sama Moliere, atau hidup di jaman-jaman taun 40an bergaul sama Orwell di Paris/Barcelona, hahaha. Also, I pick all the soundtracks for every person I have known. Harusnya di Spotify, saya bikin album kreasi pribadi berdasarkan nama-nama orang yang memberi kesan buat saya, hahaha. Sometimes, I created several poems for certain people, too. Dipikir-pikir, saya ini kok sensitif amat yak *sigh*

P.S. Tulisan ini dibuat sambil dengerin Piano Music For Coffee Shop dari youtube, and I know now, some people are better to be remained only in our memories :)

Summer is coming!

y'ello folks! it's been so long i didn't write about good things happened to me lately ,

hahaha

perhaps i was too busy writing sad stories about myself then lamented and it felt like getting a huge punch on my nose .

August will be over soon, then september, then october, then november, then december, then voila 2017!

dayum, time flies so fast.

so many things happened in 2016, yer, i had still carried some baggage from the past, but let me clear all of them.

So,

it's like usual days, you are having good and bad times, met some morons, earned some extra money, but I feel so contented I have traveled to several countries so far for study and spent at least 2 weeks and made friend with some amazing people whom taught me about many things.

Though I took 3 years to finish my master.. yeah because I am lazy and big procrastinator , Thanks to Allah SWT, I got almost straight A's for all subjects, which somehow I almost don't believe in myself ... gosh, what the heck was I doing? LOL

I have been learning French for a year and half and now I am at pre-intermediate level! car rien ne gratuit dans la vie :) I am the laziest person in the class yet I got 'yeahprettysatisfying' score for my french. Je suis hereuse! I still need 2 more years to complete my lesson and master it since I know it's very beneficial for my future endeavors. 

what else... I made my first trip together along with my bestfriends to Solo, a lovely city close to Yogyakarta. It was a short trip but very meaningful for us and we really want to repeat it, hahaha we got a plan to visit Singapore or Tokyo together but we'll see.

Everyone loves my cooking! i never know it if I could cook sorta food this great *ahem*, I invited some friends to my house and I cooked some food for them and they liked it! some of my friends also started to create some culinary business and hell they cook better than me hahaha I should learn from them, 

I've already spent almost 70 dollars purchasing some 'rare' books: Orwell, Camus, Sartre, and Zizek!!! I am do happy I could find many books about those amazing authors (in INDONESIAN translation!), and this is summer , you will know what I am mostly likely doing: reading books, writing some stories about my traveling journey (I will post it asap, wait for it :D) or .... if I am very lazy, I'd probably be watching some movies.

Anyway, Happy Summer! Bon L'Été a tous!

xoxo

Does IQ test measure our intelligence?

y'ello folks!

it's been pretty long time since my last writing, well okay let's shoot to the point,

why would I really want to discuss about it, 

we might know that's it pretty arguable and debatable. does our IQ test really measure our intelligence? interesting!

I still remember my first IQ test when I was 11, I got 100, they said I am pretty 'normal' kid, not too bright, not too stupid. a total average.

It was an official test at my junior high school, we needed to answer some kind of questions, mostly pictures. For me, who is very imaginative, I tend to look out from another perspective. I thought this test was ridiculous, and I was pretty reluctant to answer so I just chose the answer mostly without thinking.

My second test was when I was 16, it was when I was at high school, I got 114. Wow? did I evolve much? ahahaha. I don't know, maybe it was because hm...?I put more effort to answer the questions, gladly know several tricks: "answering the questions to please the examiners"

 was it considered as tricks? hm, i don't really know, I guess so. 

My genius bestfriends , most of them, got IQ results more than 120,

I got two best dudes who got 122 and 125, yer they are both geniuses at science and math. 

Honestly, I am not that good at Science and Math, well, I am suck at it.

I tried to search some names who got higher IQ, and most of them are scientists: Newton, Bill Gates, Edison. I found Obama, Bill Clinton, and Bush IQ tests , i am not sure if it's legit or not, all of them got more than 120. except Newton, he got 190.

This kind of talk, I ever asked to my ex-boyfriend raphael, I was pretty ashamed that I told him I only got 114 when I was 16, and he told me his latest IQ test was 131. He studied law and he was not suck at Math. He told me he was not that popular nerd kid at high school but I am kinda sure he was bright.

Then he told me,

"well, Vera, actually it was not really measure how smart you are in general. My first test when I was kid is 111, then I got 118, 120, and the latest was 131. do you think it really measures?"

I am pretty sure IQ test does pay an important role on how we use our logic, but remember we also get EQ, and I had some EQ test before and showed that I am a natural-born leader, but not like a benevolent dictator, but more or less a good decision maker and sensible. 

Could I be a good leader without having higher IQ like Newton or Obama? hm, let's see then. No one can assure our future yet.

THE LOST THING

Do you know when you've lost something-like your favorite CD's or a set of keys (because you're too dumb to remember where you put it)-- and while you're looking for it, you come across something else you once missed but have long since forgotten?

Well, whatever it was, there was a point when you decided to stop searching, did actually decide to forget about it, maybe because it was no longer needed, or a new replacement was found. It is almost as it never existed in the first place, until that flash moment of rediscovery, you recognize those lost things again.

Everyone has one, an inventory of lost things waiting to be found. Yearning to be acknowledged for the worth they once held in your life.

I presume, this is where I belong. Among all your other lost things.

Like an old photograph pressed between the pages of a book. 

I hope you will find me and remember what I once meant to you.

a cup of bitter black coffee

"Without cafés and newspapers, it would be difficult to travel. Travel robs us of such refuge. we are completely on the surface of ourselves. But also, soul-sick, we restore to every being and every object its miraculous value. - Camus "

I never knew that the feeling came when you was standing still close to the building, waited for me.

I was nervous back then, it was our first meet-up, after a quite long 'separation'

A separated distance between you and I, Our bizarre "connection" and how easily I could trust you before I got to know you better.

I still remember when you wore that purple shirt, with your blonde hair and crooked smile.

You smiled at me and you said "Hey", and I said, "sorry, I was late" .

I was late because I had too much doubt, like what kind of outfit should I wear, Did I look pretty? 

I realized that it wasn't even a date but don't ask me why I felt in such a way.

Like any usual meeting, the first time I saw your blue eyes and noticed the way you talked (which was a bit uncanny, but in a good way) I listened to all your stories.

You even showed me your photobox picture that you took with your friends in January, nine months prior to your coming. I sipped a cup of coffee and you ordered a cup of hot tea. You were surprised when you knew I could stand for a bitter black coffee, Well, I thought you finally knew that I was a bit weird. I was astonished too, that we could chat much, as usual we did on the phone before you came. I felt the connection between us, I know it was strange. I was a little baffled too, was it something?

I bought you a box of patisseries, assuming that you were hungry when you went back in your hotel room near the airport. You said if I wanted to accompany you to move your "stuff" to your new apartment tomorrow. I said okay, I gladly to help you organizing your things for your new life here.

So, we spent the whole afternoon at the mall, we ate Udon, I dropped the chili powder and we laughed. Then we talked again with so many things I couldn't explain here all:  your hometown, your sister, your brothers, your nephew and niece, my friends, and sorta things about philosophical things in this capricious life.

I was afraid it was too fast, to pull you into my riddle mind, I was scared you wouldn't understand what I was blabbering about.

We went back home and I gave you my first hug. This palpable feeling that I couldn't describe, how it was that great to finally embrace you. 

I came to your new flat and you let me came into your door before you. You had already opened up your suitcase and barely tidied up your clothes.

I dated several guys before, you were the first guy who treated me like a "lady",  being a "ladies first", you even opened the taxi door for me, let me ate your drink and food first. Honestly, most guys didn't treat me like that on first date, strangely we didn't even on a date.  

Then, we laid on your bed, you laid on your bed with your feet stuck on the floor, so I said, "hey, this is your bed, just hop on here". You shook your head and chuckled, then I forced your feet to be on bed and finally you were next to me.

We made fun of people from the fifteenth floor, we laughed, we mocked, I even played your hair and our eyes met. Something was struck on my mind. I was mesmerized by your pale blue eyes which I was really fond of. We kissed. That was our first kiss and we both smiled. 

If you could say how it felt to kiss a new guy at the first time, it was like.. I don't know. Frightened, Elated, Ecstatic, I wanted to do it again but I was too ashamed, so I just said sorry. If you realized too that It felt so wrong, it felt so right.

You didn't say any words but smiled to me, and here came the silent. We stopped for a while and I could feel that your fingers touched my body. You embraced me, and I also did to you  like a little girl. We kissed again, and you eventually said words, "It feels so good". I presumed that my cheeks blushed red, and I couldn't even reply your statement. But I kissed you again.

Toxic

In the sky the birds are pulling rain,
in your life a curse has got a name,
makes you lie awake all through the night
that's why.
He's intoxicated by himself,
everyday he's seen with someone else,
and every night he kisses someone new
but never you.

You're waiting in the shadows for a chance
because you believe at heart, that if you can,
show to him what love is all about,
He'll change.
He'll talk to you with no one else around,
but only if you're able to entertain him,
the moment conversation stops he's gone, again.

A gummy poetry

Just random thoughts when I got nothing to do with full ideas on my mind.
No judging please, I (still) know nothing what I am talking about.
haha.

Home is where our heart is (Love, Rosie)

#Verse 1

Love is chemistry
It is not about eyes meet eyes
Lips meet lips
It is heart that sees
Someone's personality

Love means friendship
You don't need to declare
All you have to do is to build a strong companionship
And a true heart that always cares

But so far that I have learnt
Love is not an ownership
I love you, doesn't mean that I own you
Well, you don't need to worry
Cause I don't really care
As long as I am around you
I feel so endeared

#Verse 2

And when everyone said
you are the only guy who passes behind
To me, you are the ecstasy that screwed my mind
I was an Echo, who always screamed out your name
Though I knew that you never came

Then if you are a guilt,
That would be the greatest one I have ever built
I just want you to believe
That I adore you that much
Like Ephonine adores Pontmercy

I want you so bad
Like a convict begs for mercy
So let it be,
If it grew day by day
This affection I might say
Cause you will be the only memory
Which I cannot replay


#Verse 3

When a ballad song 
doesn't catch your conscience
Than a lame poetry 
wouldn't make anymore sense
  
So I guess, I'd better visit the saved room
Where I put all my fantasies
My erotic thoughts in gloom
With all my own elusive entity

There would I spend
The whole night alone and lament myself
Thinking, why did I meet your soul
If you are not destined to alter my life .

perfect

So if you like causing trouble up in hotel rooms
And if you like having secret little rendezvous
If you like to do the things you know that we shouldn’t do
Then baby, I'm perfect
Baby, I'm perfect for you

And if you like midnight driving with the windows down
And if you like going places we can’t even pronounce
If you like to do whatever you've been desiring about
Baby, I am perfect for you ;)

Moi

In the depth of winter 

I finally learned

that there was in me an invincible summer.

Albert Camus

A self-reminder

Well, perhaps, we have been dealing with many things which occupied our head. The world is spinning around. We are restless. Defenseless. 

We think something is wrong, but we don't know what it is.

we think too far, perhaps. we have been doing many things, putting so much efforts to reach goals, yet, we feel like we are running at the same place.

Hazy, Scary, and all this absurdity gagged us.

Sometimes, our mind is exhausted of everything. Nothing has changed, and we are in deeply morose, shouting and punching nothing in the air.

This article that I have read probably could make us rethink and ponder about things that we face.

When you are tired,  read this and you know what you will do next , you know you can do it, and most of all: because you deserve to be happy ,

"I know what it’s like to feel tired — and not just in the physical sense. 

The world that we live in is an exhausting place to be. It is wearing. It is thankless. It is endlessly trying and scarcely rewarding. You’re tired simply because you live in it. You’re tired of loving too much, caring too much, giving too much to a world that never gives anything back. You are tired of investing in indefinite outcomes. You’re tired of uncertainties. Tired of grey.

I know you haven’t always been this worn out — that there was a time when you were hopeful and pure. When your optimism outweighed your cynicism and you had an infinite amount in you to give. I know you have been chipped away and worn down piece by piece — a broken heart here and an un-kept promise there. I know the world hasn’t always been kind throughout the games you’ve played and that you’ve lost more times than you have ever won. I know you’re feeling uninspired to try again. I know.

Because the truth is, we’re all tired. Every single one of us. By a certain age, we are all nothing more than an army of broken hearts and aching souls, desperately searching for fulfillment. We want more but we’re too tired to ask for it. We’re sick of where we are but we are too scared to begin again. We need to take risks but we’re afraid to watch it all come crashing down around us. After all, we’re not sure how many times we will be able to start over.

We all think we’re alone in our exhaustion. But the truth is we’re tired of each other — tired of the games we play and the lies we tell and the uncertainties we present to each other. We don’t want to play the villain but we don’t want to play the fool either. So our guards go up. Our defences rile. And we take on the role that we loathe to see played because we’re not sure what choice we have left.

I know how impossible it can feel to go on trying and giving and becoming when you are exhausted straight through to the soul. I know that the cheerful ideals you were once promised now seem tired and hopeless. 

But here’s what I beg if you’re this close to giving up: give it one more try, with feeling. I know you’re tired of your attempts. I know that you’re at your wit’s end. But the truth about that second wind of passion is that you’re never going to realize you have it if you do not keep on running past your first.

We’re all more resilient than we think, and that’s an indisputable truth. There is always more love that we are capable of giving, more hope that we are capable of having, more passion that we’re capable of unleashing and flooding out into the world. We just don’t walk far enough down our own roads to reach the point where we’re seeing those actions pay off. 

We want immediate results and when we see none, we give up. We let the exhaustion stop us. We grow frustrated with the lack of feedback and we assume that means we have to throw the entire attempt right out the window.

Because here’s something we all loathe to admit — none of us are inspired every day. We all get exhausted. We all get discouraged. And we’re allowed to work on through those feelings. Just because you’re beaten down and worn out and sick of the life that you’re living doesn’t mean you’re not making a change. Every person you have ever admired has had times where they felt utterly defeated in the pursuit of their dreams. But that didn’t prevent them from reaching them. You’re allowed to stumble slowly towards your biggest transformations. It doesn’t always have to be a blazing, flagrant affair.

Some parts of life happen quietly. They happen slowly. They happen because of the small, careful choices that we make everyday, that turn us into better versions of ourselves. We have to allow ourselves the time to let those alterations happen. To watch them evolve. To not grow hopelessly frustrated in the in-between.

When you’re tired, go slowly. Go quietly. Go timidly. But do not stop.  

You are tired for all the right reasons. You are tired because you’re supposed to be. You’re tired because you’re making a change. You are exhausted for all the right reasons and it’s only an indication to go on. You are tired because you’re growing. And someday that growth will give way to the exact rejuvenation that you need."

P.S. I am writing this when I am sober, fully well-preserved with two big cups of Mocca coffee.

love

I was just wondering why..

coincidence really does exist.

Yesterday i met them. Today i meet you. Or probably tomorrow i would meet someone who is much more interesting than all people I have ever known.

Let us think that how many people that actually do not give a fucking care about you anymore. How many people that you know as "ex-best friends", "ex-boy/girlfriend", or any "ex- whatever" you might call it.

Universe sometimes gives you a tricky game to play, also gives you playful people to frolic with.

Have you ever thought about how many opportunities will you get everyday to just meet some new people?

then you hang out with them, go to the beach together, seeing the ships at the south pier, drink coffee together, talk with them on a silly video call, texting, gossiping, tell your dirty little secrets,

you really get to know to each other.

On their birthday, you give them sweet present. When you are bored, happy, sad, or have some unimportant news, they are on your top list to share with.

you are attached to them. And you think they would feel the same way as you do.

Your life has changed. You are happy because you are surrounded by them.

On the contrary, somehow, people change. You don't exactly know why they have changed. You keep thinking, why oh why, they become so strange like you don't know them anymore. They hold back, or maybe it's you who is back off. Well, most of us were not born as a good mind-reader, therefore, we keep asking then blaming ourselves for what we did. Although, you don't know what you actually did which make them totally avoid you.

Shit happens, dude. First, we know them as a stranger or acquaintance. Next, we grow something up that we could call it "friendship", "relationship", "partnership" and sometimes, some people feel that those "-ship" terms jeopardize them. Perhaps, they are just afraid, they hesitate, or they are just unmotivated and can't see what is good about these "-ship" (s) anymore.

The result is they don't want to have fun with you anymore.

No reason, no saying any words.

Worst case, they delete you on any social networks.

But, you still keep their contact numbers, their emails, their address, sometimes you send them messages telling that you miss them and hoping that someday they will come back to see you.

Just so you know, only time will tell about it.

Do not worry, there are still some people who will always by your side, no matter what. Those people are pointless, maybe, because they don't know either why they still keep you, talk with you, hang out with you, kiss you, hug you, support you. They don't have any particular reason why they are happy to get along with you even most of time you make mistakes.

well, love is something that you cannot easily decipher.

The Origin Name of February

Though February is the shortest month of the year, it often feels like the longest in cold, snowy climates. Why does the month have only 28 days? 

First here’s a little history of our calendar. The original Roman calendar only had ten months, because the winter was not demarcated. In the 700s BC, the second king of Rome Numa Pompilius added January and February to the end of the calendar in order to conform to how long it actually takes the Earth to go around the Sun.The two new months were both originally 28 days long. It is lost to history why January acquired more days, though there are various unverifiable hypotheses. At that time, March 1 became New Years’ Day. Later, in 153 BC, the beginning of the year was moved to January 1.

The word February comes from the Roman festival of purification called Februa where people were ritually washed. There is a Roman god called Februus, but he is named after the festival, not the other way around. Other months, like January, are named after Roman gods.
The interesting linguistic story, though, lies in England. Before we adopted the Latin name for the second month, Old English used much more vibrant names to describe it. The most common Old English name was Solmonath, which literally means “mud month.” It is pretty clear what they were describing. A lesser-used term was Kale-monath, which meant “cabbage month.” We can imagine that the English were eating a lot of cabbage in February in the 1100s.

What do you think of February?

fancy

you are cutie.. and everyone can't deny it.

you are the perfect thing i ve ever seen, and you know that .

you are like my brother, you did good things to me .

you always share stories, and i am a child who always believes in everything you say.

you look nice, i like your smile, your dimples, your curly hair, your skin.

i like the way you sleep, the way you dress up, the way you speak, the way you laugh,

you were mine

and i still cannot believe it, keep questioning it, why did you love me? did you really exist? or was it just a conspiracy?

you loved me, you had no reason for it, that was you said it.

and i said, "i love you, too. you are all that i wish"

we were just a boy and girl in love, i loved you, you loved me, we were happy lovebirds.

everyday i sent you mushy poetry

everyday i could not stop thinking about you,

everyday i sang a cheesy love song to you,

at midnight, i called you and asked, "do we see the same moonlight?"

but, we are not together anymore, you walk on your own, and i keep sauntering my path.

there is no traces but the memories, your pics on my laptop, and your bad smelly shirt.

and that is all the shitty things we said, "we can still be good friend after this" has been forgotten.

cause i know, or maybe you feel it too, every time we meet and talk would recall our reminiscence.

then we agreed that "get a life" and "mind your own business" are the proper words to remain.

years past, and probably i realize that i was too young and too dumb in love with you.

perhaps you were just a part of my beautiful obsessions.

now you move on, so do I.

and there is nothing to regret, i can assure it.

only when the rain comes, the petrichor will resonance this memory ever and ever again. But promise you, i would not be sad,

because someday, we'll retell this story whilst drinking coffee and make jokes of it.

and say, "Gee, still can't believe what we had done when we were just youngster! What a folly but fancy at the same time!"

welly welly well yes,

love can be so funny :)

Is this Love or Myth?

YesterdayI waited for your friends to walk awaySo I could say just what I mean
I know we're moving fastWe're running from the pastI'm holding on before it fades away
Could it be that maybe it's our first mistake?And baby, that's alrightIt's crazy how we lost ourselves tonight
There's a reason why theySay that we should give it timeBut time is not enough and that's the reason whyWhen you're young, you fall in love
Standing stillI'm waiting 'round to see if this is real'Cause I feel like I'm asleep
I'll open up my eyes'Cause you might be the typeOf boy that makes me dream when I'm awake
Could it be that maybe it's our first mistake?And baby, that's alrightIt's crazy how we lost ourselves tonight
So tell me can this really workOr will we end up getting hurt?Is this love or myth?
So tell me are you ready for thisThere's so much more than we can seeMore than you, more than meIt takes two lovelies

dear blog,
kemarin aku ketemu sama dia lagi , tapi cuma sebentar mihihi.

kali ini aku yang banyak ngoceh :/ aku takut bikin kesan gak asik, ditengah convo dia sedikit menguap, mungkin dia boring kali yah -_-!! tapi pas terakhir kita mau say goodbye, dia bilang kalo dia enjoying our convo. ehm, masa sih? kalo aku pikir aku kemarin yang terlalu dominated, dan dia cuma listening dan listening. dan di akhir convo, he gave his best smile :) and tossed my head. aku bener" nemuin sosok "abang" di dalam dirinya. uhm, apa ini yg disebut jatuh cinta? hmm.. nggak kali yah, kurasa ini cuma sekedar kekaguman, he's nice, calm dan honest, tapi kenapa habis ketemu itu aku gak bisa tidur yah? .