je te pardonne

I don’t want to spend every day thinking of all the possible reasons to hate you just to make myself believe that I’m okay. Because I am not. I want to be okay, but it doesn’t mean I have to bring you down just to lift my spirits up. I want to be alright, be happy and contented with where I am and what I have now. I want to be the best version of myself. I want to regain the pieces of myself that I lost when I loved you too much. I want to be myself again.

I’m forgiving you because as early as now, I want to let you go.

We hurt each other and didn’t do anything good. We were in a toxic friendship that I fought to keep but we soon realized it wasn’t worth it. Now that we’ve come to our senses, this is the best time to continually go our separate ways. I’m letting you go and forgiving you for all the things you’ve done. And I’m forgiving myself for breaking the promise I told myself that I wouldn’t get hurt by the same person who broke me. I’m forgiving you because you deserve it. And I do too. We both deserve to be happy, maybe happier apart.

It takes a lot of courage to forgive but it takes a lot more to ask for forgiveness. And I’m asking you now to forgive me for asking too much. Forgive me for believing that it was all real. Forgive me for the idea that you felt the same way as I did.

I’m forgiving you because I love you and mainly because I love myself more. I want to be free of the toxic thoughts of you and the times that we were in uncertainty. I want to be free of the hatred, anger, and distrust. I want to start over with a heart of hope and peace of mind. I want to start over and get over you. I want to restart. I want to let go, move on and live on.

Life doesn’t stop when you run out of reasons to go on, it continues once you start finding reasons to look forward to. And I have found those reasons.

I’m forgiving you because I’ve realized that I should make peace with my mind, my own sanity. Because I love myself.