Hiya Love, I mean, Hiya Folks!
It's been almost a year I haven't written anything in my blog. I miss random writing, as I miss non-random writing, too. Believe me, I have been collecting motivation to write both academically and commercially. But, so far, it yields nothing.
I have been listing plenty of ideas, but what's the purpose of ideas? If you don't really have guts to make it work, thus, let's call it a beginning in a not so in the beginning of the year. It's April - May, and we know that in the northern hemisphere out there, the flowers are starting to blossom, the weather also starts to be friendly again (well, I reckon?).
As a matter of fact, I have just come back from my journey in Europe again, Le Voyage d'Hiver, for the second time. People often asked me, why do you come to our snowy hut instead of staying in your sommer maison in your homeland?
The more I step my feet to new places, the more I think of home. The meaning of home. What is home anyway? In these past years, I choose and try to learn also enjoy this lone time. Getting used to of being on my own, not that I don't need my close friends or family anymore. However, as an Extrovert, maybe I should try to challenge myself more and try to understand the meaning of being aloof.
Interpreting this aloofness.
Now that you should know, that I am not currently staying in my hometown anymore. I stayed in my hometown for couple of weeks, and started a new story in the city of culture. The thing that I never realize about this city is, it's very multicultural. I thought I got used to mingle and hang out with people from different countries and assumed that later when I mingle with my "own" folks would be easier. I was wrong, hopefully, I wasn't. Handling people from different backgrounds is quite "challenging" and "triggering". I have got a quite great position in this organization, and some people really test my capabilities. This is my pure sentiment and you can judge me anyway, but I feel that some people really dislike when somebody new comes and places in top position. Actually, I am trying to be a calm and kind leader, but some people really can trigger my benevolent side which I don't like it either. That's why, I prefer to be aloof. When I am aloof, everything can be well-digested. All this bad stereotypes and judgements which I have been trying to throw them away.
Good thing is...
I can value myself more, the more time I am being alone. I have got lots of time to study and sharpen my abilities, and realize how far I have grown. --- Some people are wrong about me, people change, I guess I know all about it. Managing and Handling students are way much easier than handling your own staff. Well, I am not working in a corporate but an organization that challenges my leadership a lot. I don't trust people easily, well, trusting people is my weakness. Many lesson that I have learnt made me realize that the one that you can trust and rely on is yourself. Is it okay being a lone wolf? is it okay being selfish? Yes, IT IS FINE. totally Fine. How can you blossom and develop if you don't trust your own guts?
Learning how to love your own self.
After you learn how to trust yourself, now you can slowly learn how to love yourself. This sounds not so correctly, but this is pure of my personal opinion --- and of course after finishing The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm. How will you be able to love someone if you are lack of love on your own? How can you transfer and retrieve the love itself when you got nothing to love about yourself. I think, love grows inside yours and when you think you are ready (and of course when you want it), you will slowly learn how to transfer the love within you: by treating your significant other (or just mere other people) with love.
So...
by being aloof, it teaches me how to love myself more. That I am my own priority. This also could be "the time when you discover your selfishness". You might criticize me, but this is my personal perspective, with my own capabilities as an Extrovert, in reserving this aloofness.
And.. Thank you.
